Lessons from my Mother for Aryaa!

The last one year has been a roller coaster of emotions! You all know why - Well yes, because I became a mother for the first time in my life! Aryaa turned 9 months old today - exactly how long she was inside me! It has been an emotional day not only with that realization but also with how slow the pregnancy felt and how fast the same time felt after her birth. It also has been a time of new perspectives on what my mom has put in to bring me up. While I love her to the core and have always had immense respect for the hard work she put in along with my dad to raise me and my brother, experiencing motherhood for myself has raised the respect bar to a much higher level. She also is a total hands-on grandmother, and I know my daughter is going to learn all the important lessons in life that my mom taught me which I am going to share with you. Trust me, there cannot be a better teacher for Aryaa than her! Sunday was Mother's Day and while I didn't say much then as it was all about being with my mom and celebrating my first one, the last few days have been spent in introspection, weighing out exactly the lessons from my Mother that I want to pass down to my daughter :)

Family always comes first

My mother rarely indulged in things for herself for the sake of family. She would give up on shopping for herself, but would always buy me and my brother the best of clothes to wear on special occasions. If she cooked something we loved a lot, she would eat less saying her stomach was full so that we could eat to our hearts content. When the Latur earthquake shook Bombay in 1993, she first rushed to me and my brother and covered us up with herself in fear of the building collapsing without caring about herself. She also told me that “When you get married, marry a man that the family also loves and not just someone who only you love.” Today I know how right she was when I am with someone like that, and if they didn't love him how would I be happy?! When Aryaa was born, she moved me into her place for 5 months to take first hand care of us despite her back problems. After having Aryaa, I understand this so much better.

Work hard and you will get what you want

Both my parents worked really hard to provide us what we needed whether it was a house(or houses), a car or holidays, or requirements that me and my brother had. Through thick and thin they stuck together to make thing happen which would keep us happy. My mom always told me - "If you want something you have to work for it, it won't come to you on a platter. And when you get something that you have worked really hard for, the happiness also comes in multiples." She always taught me to never put pressure on the spouse once I am married and to provide for myself on my own.  Today when I want something I work for it. The thought of asking PS will come to my head only if I want him to give me a gift ;-) My mother never expected gifts and even today when my dad gifts her something, the happiness on her face is something that will be a remembrance for life.

Education is important

I belong to a community that studies a lot. I found this really stupid and wanted to pursue dancing and singing rather than further studies. However, my mom was very clear that education comes first and that I could have it no other way than doing my MBA which I cribbed and cribbed about then. But today after 11 years, I thank her for all the sensible talks that she and my dad had with me because it's all thanks to them that I am where I am at the moment. My mother pursued her M.A. and B.Ed. after marriage and after her kids, because it was important for her career. I know I too am going to study further and she is going to be my inspiration forever.

Fashion is all about being comfortable and elegant

I love my mother's sense of style. Infact I owe most of the compliments I receive to her. She always taught me that you don't have to be uncomfortable to look good. If the heels hurt, chuck them. If the length makes you feel uncomfortable, wear a longer length. Don't wear heavy earrings that tug the ears, simple solitaires will do the work just fine. Necklines needn’t be deep to look good, even a boat neck will look pretty. You don’t always need to wear make-up all the time, you will look pretty even without it. Labels don’t matter, street shopping can get you good clothes too. Today I can proudly say, my style is an extension of my mother's classic style of dressing.

Money is to be respected and appreciated but you don't need a lot to be happy

Money wasn't in abundance when I was growing up. However I was ever denied anything until and unless it was an atrocious request. Whether it was nice dresses or video games or flamboyant birthday parties, my parents gave it all to me. But they also taught me the value of money and that it needs to be saved for a rainy day. I was always encouraged to indulge in music, dance, craft and playing outside which would actually make me really happy. My mom always told me that necessities are what money should be spent on and we don't need anything in excess as it only going to go waste in most cases and bring sadness. This guiding thought made me have all that I needed, but just not in multiples and that I was happy with that much.  She taught me the concept of savings through pocket money that was just enough to manage. She taught me to eat right than spend on junk food, other than that mid week round of my favourite Maggi with veggies that made me super happy or a bar of Dairy Milk or Five Star on the weekend and trust me that those 5 rupees spent brought so much of happiness!

While there are lots more lessons that I have learnt, these are the key ones I want Aryaa to learn. Running through these memories makes me want to be a child again back in my mother’s arms but motherhood too is something that I would give up anything to experience. I just hope that I too can pass down these important lessons to Aryaa to live by :) What are the lessons you want to pass down to your children? I would love to know!

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